May 27, 2022 – When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chodron

The Blame Game

“Realizing that their father was dead, Joseph’s brothers said, “What if Joseph still bears a grudge against us and pays us back in full for all the wrong that we did to him?” So they approached Joseph, saying, “Your father gave this instruction before he died,‘Say to Joseph: I beg you, forgive the crime of your brothers and the wrong they did in harming you.’ Now therefore please forgive the crime of the servants of the God of your father.” Joseph wept when they spoke to him.Then his brothers also wept, fell down before him, and said, “We are here as your slaves.” But Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid! Am I in the place of God?Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today. So have no fear; I myself will provide for you and your little ones.” In this way he reassured them, speaking kindly to them.” Genesis 50:15-21

“Drive all blames into oneself.” The essence of this slogan is, “When it hurts so bad, it’s because I am hanging on so tight.” It’s not saying that we should beat ourselves up. What it implies is that pain comes from holding so tightly to having it our own way and that one of the main exits we take when we find ourselves uncomfortable, when we find ourselves in an unwanted situation, is to blame. We habitually erect a barrier called blame that keeps us from communicating genuinely with others, and we fortify it with our concepts of who’s right and who’s wrong. We do that with the people who are closest to us, with all kinds of things that we don’t like about our associates or our society. It is a very common, ancient, well-perfected device for trying to feel better. Blame others. Blaming is a way to protect our hearts, to try to protect what is soft and open and tender in ourselves.” Chodron, Pema. When Things Fall Apart (Shambhala Classics) (p. 106).

The Blame Game

I have watched families torn apart by playing the blame game. Siblings fight with one another, parents fight with their children, and even distant relatives put in their two cents trying to put blame on a particular person of situation. We see this play out in our society every day. When someone walks into a grocery store and shoots up the place, we look to their spouse, family or friends trying to place blame. An airplane drops out of the sky, and we must seek answers so we can place the blame on the airline, the mechanics or the weather. Sometimes, sometimes my friends bad things just happen. But as Pema Chodron writes, “Blaming is a well-perfected device for trying to feel better.”

Joseph could have fallen into this trap. Joseph could have blamed his brothers for the detour his life had taken. But Joseph could see a bigger picture – could see the hand of G-d in his situation – and so chose not to blame his brothers. It is a higher calling to avoid the blame game – a higher calling but a more challenging road. Instead of blaming the other and making them our enemy, how about remaining open and allowing a kinder presence to fill our hearts and our actions.

In the blame game there are no winners, just enemies and losers. In the game of compassion and love, there are no losers, and no one to blame as well.

Let us pray,

Lord Jesus, it is easier to blame the others in our lives when we feel slighted. Blame makes us feel powerful. However, this kind of power only leads to increasing our hurts and our losses. Help me today to lead with kindness rather than blame – and to remain open to your presence in all things. Amen.Pastor Dave

May 26, 2022 – When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chodron

Emptiness

“The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. ¹² After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.” 1 Kings 19:11-12

“…emptiness—not fixating or holding on to anything. Only in an open, nonjudgmental space can we acknowledge what we are feeling. Only in an open space where we’re not all caught up in our own version of reality can we see and hear and feel who others really are, which allows us to be with them and communicate with them properly.” Chodron, Pema. When Things Fall Apart (Shambhala Classics) (p. 104).

Emptiness

No one likes emptiness. We do not like an empty gas tank when we are in the middle of nowhere. We do not an empty stomach when we are miles from any restaurants. We do not like to be empty of relationships when we are in need of companionship. And yet, Pema Chodron talks about emptiness, or better understood as “openness” as a necessity if we want to truly understand reality.

We know people who fill their lives with all kinds of negative and useless things trying to fill their emptiness. And when we fill ourselves with all kinds of stuff, whether feelings or priorities or stuff, then we will not be as open to the “new” or the “different” as we should.

Think about Elijah, who is running from Jezebel because he had angered her by killing all of the priests of Baal on Mount Carmel. He ran to the mountain of G-d and rested because he was filled with fear. But the Lord sent a great wind, an earthquake and a fire filled with great and terrible power. But the Lord was not in those things. Then Elijah heard nothing more than a whisper – which was the very voice of G-d.

You see, when we empty our minds of the powerful vices of this world, and we empty our ears of the powerful voices of this world – then, in the emptiness, we can hear the voice of G-d calling us to love the Lord and to love our neighbor. It requires purposeful emptiness. Will we have the courage to empty our lives of the unnecessary – and fill it with the very presence of the Lord?

Let us pray,

Lord, we think there is power in stuff. The more stuff we have the more full we will feel. Help me today to empty my heart of vice and coveting and fill it with your love and presence. Amen.

Pastor Dave