Some of you will remember the old SchoolHouse Rock song “Conjunction Junction” which begins:

Conjunction Junction, what’s your function? Hooking up words and phrases and clauses.

Well for the end of 2020 I have rewritten the words:

“Dysfunction Junction, what’s your function?  Wishing the pastor will perform “Extreme Unction.”

The year 2020 has given us enough dysfunction – it is time for the human family to move on to something new. We all know that a family crisis can be one of the more difficult experiences of your life. The same can be said for the pastor trying to help a family wade through the murky waters of dysfunction. Of course, trying to find out what is at the heart of any dysfunction can take a lifetime to define — especially within family dynamics. I have witnessed so many things, so many experiences and arguments – each which can be ingredients for the genesis of the “dysfunctional family soup”.  

It can be a tablespoon of high expectations, added to a dash of physical or verbal abuse, throwing in three heaping portions of poor parenting skills, and any amount of disability, lack of education and/or support, and the ever-present mysterious addition of addictive behaviors – and before you know it you have the “dysfunctional family soup”. The result is determined by the acceptance for and the consequences of collective actions or inaction of all involved — which, of course, gives dysfunctional soup its texture, its body and its taste.

Over the years I have been fortunate enough (or unfortunate) to have been a witness to families dealing with tragic deaths – and most deaths, my friends are neither welcome nor anticipated. Nevertheless, watching how a family manages or mismanages these tragedies highlights their own level of dysfunction. Beyond the bickering, arguing, accusing, crying, drinking, smoking and lying — left in the disastrous wake of collective dysfunction are the loved ones who died often before their time should have been up. We can try our hardest to give proper, respectful burials attempting to honor the lives and give voice to the fact that everyone is a loved, child of G-d. Yet still the dysfunction train chugs forward.

So, in the wake of 2020 and all of the tragedies and setbacks and illnesses and deaths this year has brought, I have three pieces of advice. Oh there are more, but this is all I can muster together at this time.

The first piece of advice: Plan, Pre-Plan, Over Plan

You are doing no one a favor if you have not taken the time to consider your assets, whether vast or few, and what you want done with them upon your ultimate demise. Make a will. Do it today. And if you change your will, keep only the current copy, and destroy the others. And if you hide it away, make sure someone, someone, knows where you are hiding it. The same is true for your funeral service. Plan one. Put your wishes on paper if you do not pre-plan with a funeral home. If you pre-pay somewhere, leave copies and receipts where people can find them. And, for almighty Father’s sake, give copies to someone you like. Pick out scriptures, and hymns, and other readings. Also, be sure to direct a sizable amount of money for the honorarium for the pastor. A good pastor will spend 4 – 10 hours on preparing and performing your funeral. Yes, it is a part of our calling, but too many people have no respect for our time.

The second piece of advice: Verify, Verify, Verify

If your loved one tells you “I have pre-paid for my funeral service and other arrangements” or tells you “I have a current copy of my will to give you” — verify. Ask for copies. It is nice to trust their word, but still ask them for a copy of everything. And keep on asking until they give it to you. And please, remember where you put your copy.

 Finally, Stop Complaining

Look, life is tough. No one gets everything they want — and many do not have access to the basic things they need to live. So, if life has been a drag for you lately, call this pastor – call your pastor – call any pastor. I can tell you some stories about families who really have it tough. And if your story beats the stories I have to share, I promise to include your story in my upcoming book:

“Funerals, Weddings and Pastoral Care: Oh My”

If you find yourself in a dysfunctional family, remember, there is no “Fun” in Dysfunction. And someone needs to be the voice of reason, the oasis of sanity, and the keystone block in the collapsing arch. The first stop on the dysfunction train should be “Sanity-Ville” — and if you aren’t the Mayor of Sanity-Ville, then who will be?

Pastor Dave

“Now in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate there is a pool, called in Hebrew Beth-zatha, which has five porticoes. ³ In these lay many invalids—blind, lame, and paralyzed. ⁵ One man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. ⁶ When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be made well?” ⁷ The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; and while I am making my way, someone else steps down ahead of me.” ⁸ Jesus said to him, “Stand up, take your mat and walk.” ⁹ At once the man was made well, and he took up his mat and began to walk.” John 5:2-9

I remember, when I was about eight years old, having a visit to the dentist. I went because one of my older brother or sisters could not attend. I went knowing I had a few loose teeth. When I returned home, my mouth was minus eight teeth. Not only did the dentist find loose teeth, he found some that he believed were “in the way” and he removed them with his pliers. I would not return until I was in my early twenties, and then only because my wisdom teeth were coming in at such a bad angle they were impeding the function of my jaw.

Now, when you go to the dentist you go two times a year, right?  Your dentist plan allows you to see your dentist — so you schedule a cleaning twice a year giving you the opportunity to show them you have flossed and brushed twice a day. And most of you go to the dentist twice a year. You hope that this is enough for you to ward off plaque and the development of cavities (maybe). But two times a year is all the dentist requires.  

Here’s my question: why do so many people believe attending church two times a year is enough to ward off the devil? We cannot run to G-d only when our lives have gone bad or we have run into problems, and then wait to return to G-d in similar circumstances. Yet this is how many people treat Jesus. They stay away when everything is fine. But as soon as something happens that severely impairs their life’s functioning, they run to Jesus looking for a fix. Once the fix is in, or not, they run away either complaining about the cost, complaining about the intrusiveness, or complaining about the fix.

This is no way to treat your relationship with G-d, or your dentist. Your dentist prefers to see you twice a year and so asks you to do certain things daily to avoid seeing him or her more than twice a year. G-d does not want to see us only twice a year (like many do) but wants to see each and every one of us every day. G-d does not want to see us only when there is a problem, but gives us daily activities to strengthen our relationship with G-d. And G-d doesn’t only want to see us twice a year, but asks that we go to G-d daily in prayer, and weekly in bible study, and weekly in worship. We may not be able to avoid problems, but we will have a scheduled appointment daily and weekly to help us with all of our spiritual decay.

We cannot treat our faith lives like we hope to avoid Gingivitis — going twice a year and maybe rinse your mouth with some holy water once in a while. Attending church should not be such a bother or just another thing to junk up our schedule. It is supposed to be life-sustaining, life-producing, life-enriching, life-enhancing, life-saving discipline.  

You see, the Great Fisherman, Jesus, catches us when we feel as if we are sinking, and never lets us go — even if we only recognize his Fisherman’s Sovereignty on the same level as the Great Dental Plan in the sky. And thank the Lord we are not depending on our dentist for salvation, for if we are, then we won’t be able to afford the co-pay. Thank G-d the Fisherman, Jesus, offers all of us a free meal every Sunday — and in some places, every day.  That is a table we should want to go to often — it is a “treatment plan” we need every day.  

My friends, don’t turn your faith life into a dental plan — because the devil wants to rot away your trust, your hope, your love, and your faith. Come to the banquet — all is ready — all are welcome…     

Pastor Dave