“For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10:35-37

“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.” James 4:1-2

{“Our eldest daughter, Ann, invited her college roommate to join our large family for Thanksgiving dinner. As families sometimes do, we got into a lively argument over a trivial subject until we remembered we had a guest in our midst. There was an immediate, embarrassed silence. “Please don’t worry about me,” she said. “I was brought up in a family too.”}

“I was brought up in a family too.” That is a funny line. It is a reminder that all of us have a variety of family experiences – many of them good – and many of them, well, not so good. I was lucky enough to be brought up in a good household – one that nurtured individualism bolstered by unconditional love. But not all people have that experience – or have been lucky enough even to have been raised in a single, stable, household.

I find it of great solace that the bible is filled with familial distress – situations where sons treat their fathers rudely, and brothers seek to kill one another. It reminds us that family problems were endemic within family dynamics since the beginning of time. In other words, we are not alone when we are faced with arguments and dissention in the home – and among siblings. But what are we to do with statements from Jesus like, “I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household.”

Jesus will go on to link this statement with a reference to taking up one’s cross: ‘Anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me’ (10:38). In other words, taking up the cross for the sake of Jesus is one that will open you up to persecution, ridicule, and even hatred. And if that persecution, ridicule and hatred comes from your family, then so be it. But this does not mean that we are not faithful to the family in times of illness, and other difficulties that require much Grace. So dissention within the family is not something Jesus permits or endorses – Jesus is about love – love that is to be above all things, especially pride, ego, and getting our own way. And Jesus will remind his followers that they are to “Honor their father and mother”. But if the dissention within the family is because someone is choosing to follow Jesus, then they have made the right choice – following Jesus is to come before selfish needs – even if that includes the family.

Yes, this following Jesus thing is really hard.

Pastor Dave