July 12, 2016

“Now there was a Pharisee named Nicodemus, a leader of the Jews. He came to Jesus by night and said to him, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God; for no one can do these signs that you do apart from the presence of God.” Jesus answered him, “Very truly, I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God without being born from above.” Nicodemus said to him, “How can anyone be born after having grown old? Can one enter a second time into the mother’s womb and be born?” John 3:1-4

“The deep secrecy of my own being is often hidden from me by my own estimate of what I am. My idea of what I am is falsified by my admiration for what I do. And my illusions about myself are bred by contagion from the illusions of other men. We all seek to imitate one another’s imagined greatness. If I do not know who I am, it is because I think I am the sort of person everyone around me wants to be. Perhaps I have never asked myself whether I really wanted to become what everybody else seems to want to become. Perhaps if I only realized that I do not admire what everyone seems to admire, I would really begin to live after all. I would be liberated from the painful duty of saying what I really do not think and acting in a way that betrays G-d’s truth and the integrity of my own soul.” Thomas Merton (The Pocket Thomas Merton, p. 5-6)

“If I do not know who I am, it is because I think I am the sort of person everyone around me wants to be.”

Thomas Merton (1915-1968) is arguably the most influential American Catholic author of the twentieth century. He was a mystic, a Trappist monk of the Abbey of Gethsemane, Kentucky, a poet, a social activist, and a student of comparative religion. As part of my devotions for July, I will be sharing some of his thoughts and writings.

Nicodemus, in my opinion, was a man who did not know who he was. He was struggling with his identity. Have you ever felt that way in your life? Nicodemus was a Pharisee, but he was struggling with the teachings of Jesus, most likely because the teachings of Jesus had struck a nerve inside him. And so, to get some clarity, Nicodemus came to Jesus in secret. As Thomas Merton suggests in this devotion, Nicodemus was most likely struggling with whether he was truly like the other Pharisees around him, or if he was something else. As the Gospel of John continues, it turns out that Nicodemus becomes a follower of Jesus in the end: at least he is there when Jesus is taken from the cross to be placed in the tomb. Moving from Pharisee to follower of Jesus, Nicodemus is freed from having to act one way (like a Pharisee) to living into the true spirit of G-d, that of being born of water and the Spirit.

Do you feel trapped by societal expectations or lost in the illusion of trying to be something that others expect of you? Deep within you has been planted the seeds of your true identity – but it is not a secret. You are a loved child of G-d. Allow Jesus to free you to be who you were born to be.

Pastor Dave