November 19, 2015

“Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and curing every disease and every sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore ask the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

Chapter 10
Then Jesus summoned his twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to cure every disease and every sickness. These are the names of the twelve apostles: first, Simon, also known as Peter, and his brother Andrew; James son of Zebedee, and his brother John; Philip and Bartholomew; Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus; Simon the Cananaean, and Judas Iscariot, the one who betrayed him.   Matthew 9:35 – 10:4

“…my own life has been circumscribed by a sense of vocation, of “calling”. It is so easy to look back over the years and credit a gathered accumulation of wisdom and experience as the crucial element in making early decisions. Yet when Dr. Stockings offered to give me a medical education if I should choose such a career, I refused. I do not know why. I do know that it was not even a temptation. My bias was on the side of religion – of this I was certain, although the reasons are hidden to me still.

….A mixture of adolescent confusion, the affirmation of mind and personality fostered by my college experiences, a sense of calling going back to earlier times, and the vast possibilities of reconciliation between black and white all gave me the feeling of knowing a “secret.” In this lay the strength to affirm my own life and the way that I should take to walk. It is important in this accounting that at bottom all of this was a part of my meaning of G*d in the common life. G*d was everywhere and utterly identified with every single thing, incident, or person.” Howard Thurman (1900 – 1981) With Head and Heart: the Autobiography of Howard Thurman, “For All The Saints” volume II (p. 1016 – 1017)

Jesus called the first disciples, called them from vocation, to vocation, and set them upon a road that I am sure not all of them understood or even anticipated. They must have faltered, some of them, before engaging on the journey. They must have struggled, struggled with family, relationships, jobs, communities, but onward they soldiered. What was their understanding of G*d I often wonder? They would have been steeped in the Jewish faith, or maybe even had little faith at all. But when someone who claimed to be G*d incarnate, someone who called them to leave everything important or of value to them, the scriptures tell us they simply “followed.” I wish the scriptures included the struggles they must have been feeling internally, and fought externally. I wish we had some sense of their calling, understanding of G*d, questions and conversations with Jesus as the call moved forward. What we have, mostly, is silence, and their witness and ability to follow.

It has been clear in my own calling that the struggle with understanding the call is just as important as the call itself. Seminary helped me to clarify the understanding of the call, but the call itself has its own story. It emanated from a little league field among cornfields in a small town in central Pennsylvania. Or maybe it was there and the church where I was baptized and confirmed – walking to church on a Sunday morning, sitting in church listening to birds sing, cars meander by, a choir struggle with tone and content, and a pastor who seemed older than Moses himself. Or perhaps the friends I had, the acquaintances who seemed more, the struggles with stuttering and a world that increasingly made no sense. It was faith I could trust among all of the negative experiences. But what was the source of the faith? It was not strong preaching, though I am sure Pastor Ernie had his good and bad days. It was not fire and brimstone theology and teaching. It was a struggle to understand who I was and why G*d even cared about me – but G*d never left my side, never abandoned me, never forsook me though I certainly was not the best partner. G*d was always there, gently nudging, whispering in my ear, guiding me in mysterious and hidden ways.

Pastor Dave